Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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