She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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