too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
