i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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