I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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