would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
