I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
