He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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