I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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