I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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