it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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