Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
