summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I look better un-naked...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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