Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
