wat bout pragnant strippers??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
