i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize