Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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