My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry about my life...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
