I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize