Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
