Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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