I smell stomach acid.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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