The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
