I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
