tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
