im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
