Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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