I'll bet she douches with gravy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
