note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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