he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
