is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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