walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
