You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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