Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
