take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
