hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
