ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
