found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
