i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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