like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
