I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
