Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's blow job season.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
