exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
