pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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