I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
