Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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