So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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