Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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