also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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