you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
