i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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