I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
