he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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