I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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