I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
