My brain says no but my pants say off.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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