The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
