I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
