It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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