official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize