Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
