i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
