I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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