my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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