I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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