It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
