I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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