I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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