I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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