i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
